Whistler, Canada

Feels

March 6th 2018
Costa Rica
Selina Hotel
1:44pm

Feels

I look out the window of the co-working space I am currently sitting in. As I settle into this new space, I put on my headphones and play “Carry You” by Novo Amor”. I take a few deep breaths to just really sink into where I am in this moment. Gazing upon the horizon, the colour green soaks into my eyes. Nature is staring right back at me. I think to myself, “This is what I created, this is the reality I set out to seek and it is here, right in front of me.” My intentions for the new year were to spend part time in the jungle, part time in 5* hotels and resorts (spas, ashrams and monasteries also include in the mix). Soon enough, I found myself in the jungle in Costa Rica at Envision Festival. A few days prior, I had met a friend at a concert at Shambalah Yoga Studio in Santa Monica, CA, who invited me to be his assistant as an Acro Yoga Teacher at the festival. Of course I said I’d go and I did. One of my dreams is to teach yoga and meditation around the world and to say yes to opportunities that arise are the first steps to making them happen! The festival was incredible. I met so many amazing people who are setting out to help make the world a better place. I ended up skipping out on my return flight back to LA afterwards as my soul wanted to ground here and plant myself in the jungle while living with highly vibrational people and healers.

I have to say, I haven’t been in this environment, which I like to call “Coffee Shop Sesh” for a while. Being surrounded by so many people over the past week and living in a beautiful place where I haven’t really given myself the time to actually sit down and write, alone, with my head phones on. Today was the time to do just that. Sitting in a corner of a place where my only distraction possible is looking out the window and watching exotic birds fly from treetops to treetops. Essentially it couldn’t be more perfect. I feel like I’m in a treehouse, eye level with where these birds find tranquility amongst natures greatest gift.

Nature has so much to teach us. I observe the subtle movements within the branches and leaves that connect to them. In the distance is a Greek styled home nestled between the valley. Blue dome rooftops and white walls surroundings. One day, I’ll go to Greece, hopefully this summer.

Just watched this video, you probably should too before continuing to read: “I Just Know” by Jacob Lee on YouTube. 🙂

Guess I’m just going to jump into it:

Dealing with Death

Yes, I’m touching a subject that isn’t so often touched, I wonder why is that so? Its something each and everyone of us must deal with and it can happen at any point in our lives. Thats why I want to speak about it, because death is inevitable and as there is no wrong or right way to deal with it, I believe the best way is to deal with it is actually deal with it rather than stuffing emotions deep within us and not giving time to process the sense of loss and changes in life while missing someone so dearly. To me, it is the only way to heal, the only way to accept what is and feel at ease, no matter how hard it is, it is possible. Death is never easy, but when we can have a deep understanding of it and take time to allow natural feelings arise, it helps with the process of healing whether it takes months, years, or even decades. It’s different for everyone. All I can do is share my own experience and hope by shedding light on something that may seem dark, one may realize its not all that dark, its how you see it, how you see life that makes it what it is. Its also a wake up call that we have one life to live, so why do anything else other than to Love? Honestly.

I make myself a green tea, consciously breathe some more, and visit my Grandad’s Facebook page. The second last post is a photo of him and myself having a cup of tea, our last cup of tea. He passed a month later, at the end of October 2017. I imagine him sitting here with me in the chair next to mine, sipping on tea, looking at the view. I bet he’d have so much to tell me about Costa Rica. I am almost positive he has been here, not only because he was an avid traveller his whole life, touring the world over and over, but because I feel his essence here. Driving back to the little town of Quepos from San Jose two days ago, I felt his presence so strongly, his essence was within the mountains as I admired the animals on the hilltops and luscious jungle. The sun was setting behind a mountain, the sky painted itself pink and blue and was more picturesque than a post card. Straight up so beautifully mystical that no camera could ever capture what I was looking at. I thanked God for another day, for his art, for this life. To feel someone within the mountains though? To feel someone as if they were in everything? Thats how I felt as I was gracefully noticing my Grandad’s presence. He must have driven down the same road many years ago. I look forward to contacting his wife to find out more if and when they’ve been to Costa Rica, collecting stories of pieces of his life.

I believe when people cross over, they can show up in many different ways. They could play songs on the radio, send messages through different conversations, there could be little hints they give, or appear as my Grandad did, in nature. Sometimes they visit people in dreams, speak to them while in prayer or make their presence known by just you sensing it. And thats why I don’t have attachment to when people go, because I know I can always connect with them and that they’ll always be around. If your open to that connection, they can come around more often and I think thats beautiful – to stay connected post peoples physical body worldly experiences. Even last night, while looking up at the stars, I felt him watching over me. Love so pure, so unconditionally pure.

I feel better just writing about it, this is part of my healing process, my coping when emotions come up, writing is my outlet. I allow myself to feel everything, I observe the emotions within me, thoughts of how I wish I could call him so I could tell him I made it to Costa Rica for the first time. And I remind myself he already knows. They know everything. His spirit will continue to guide, support and protect me. How could I be anything but humblelized knowing this is the truth. This is my truth because that is what I believe. For you, it may be different, and thats okay. I ask you to ask yourself what is your outlet? Do you have one? Please take a moment to honour your loved ones who have passed over. Let them know you are listening, tell them you are grateful for them watching over you because I guarantee you, they are.

After 4 months of his passing, I notice myself to still be grieving, it comes and goes, life continues, but its moments that come unexpectedly where its like, it just hits you. You feel their presence in a place you’ve never even been and its like “oh yeah, they’re gone. I wish they were here, I wish I could call them, I wish they could answer the phone and you could talk like you always did, and again, it sinks in even deeper that they are gone, you miss them even more and an overwhelming sense of sadness appears.” And what I am saying is, is when this happens, let it, let tears fall as they need to. Who are we to block our natural healing process? Who are we to tell ourselves we “can’t cry”, we “can’t be emotional”? We are all human, emotions are a part of us. Lets learn to welcome them and allow release to happen. Grieving is natural, blocking grieving is not, and sooner or later, the bottle with crack open and the water will pour out and the glass may shatter, so don’t wait, don’t wait for another day, another year, another decade to process and to deal with death of a loved one or friend, deal with it right here, right now, deal with it when it comes, acknowledge what comes up, cherish the memories. There is no rush. Have patience and know that you have the strength and the courage to keep going, to keep living and to help make the world a better place surrounded by beautiful people. Send love to yourself, love and compassion, then send it to those who are alive around you and to those who have passed as we are all in this together.

Here is another beautiful song you can listen to: “Hear your Heart” by James Bay

Music is one of my therapies. Depending on my mood is what I set the playlist to.
Other ways of healing and allowing time to process can be through doing yoga (in a class or at home), meditating, through prayer, writing, making art, getting into nature, whether that be a walk through the forest (or jungle), watching the sunrise or sunset, going to where you have beautiful memories of being with that person, cherishing photographs and videos…for me its these, as well as drinking tea – my Grandad was English so we did this every time we were together, he also loved birds and flowers, so now when I smell flowers I think of him and have a moment of appreciation for whatever flower I am connecting with. The red parrots here in Costa Rica also remind me of him as he used to show me pictures of exotic birds and he actually inspired me to be a bird and nature photographer which I feel I will dive deeper into over the next little while. I have a dream to have one of my photos publish in National Geographic. Its easy to have inspiration from someone who was so inspirational. He also highly encouraged my writing and gave me advice on what to write about as I travel, so in essence, he is part of this travel blog, he is within every word, every photo, every interaction and with me on every flight.

I love you Grandad, I love you so much, thank you for everything you’ve done and for paving a path so clear to me which is a life of travel. Travel was in your blood and I am so grateful it passed down into mine. Life of a traveller, I wouldn’t be living the life I am if it wasn’t for you. My eyes water as I catch a tear drop in the palm of my right hand, feeling so blessed, so blessed to be alive, to be here on this journey, to be in Costa Rica with such amazing humans amongst the most enriching jungle I’ve ever seen. God bless.

Much love to all,

Amanda

The first song “I Just Know” by Jacob Lee just reached 1 million views by the time I finished writing this <3 4:04pm - 1,000,462 views So happy for him 🙂 That’s so exciting! It’s really relevant to everything written in this post. Feeling deeply grateful for his music. Thank you Jacob for your magic. <3